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"Santana Told Me Never to Speak Alone With You Because You Would Try to Steal All My Gold"
Or the one in which RIB finally successfully cram Sam down my throat.

So, last night's episode felt a little bit like getting hit by a train. Between the pacing and the jarring cuts between rapidly developing stories, I'm left with an overall impression of having liked it despite some major problems, but I'm not exactly sure why.

The issues:

1) Coming in at the top of my shit list, as always, is Will Schuester, the actualfax WORST TEACHER IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION. When Holly Holiday and April Rhodes are your source for inspirational lesson planning, you know you are fucked.

But seriously, you see your students tearing each other apart based on gossip and rumors, what do you do? A) Take them aside individually to talk to them and make sure they are alright? or B) TURN IT INTO AN ASSIGNMENT TO IGNORE THE DRAMA WITHOUT RESOLVING IT AND IMPROVE THEIR COMPETITION CHANCES? Also, when all the kids were ganging up on Sam, Will not only lets it happen, he fucking encourages it by prying into Sam's motivations IN FRONT OF THE GROUP.

Seriously, GTAFO, Will. Go with April. Bring on Jesse. (You know that Will goes to Shelby for help and that she sends Jesse. This is so what is happening). But DO NOT FUCKING COME BACK.

2) Finn/Quinn/Rachel: There is a lot I hate about this triangle. I could fill a post about it. But the absolute worst thing, that was on blindingly painful display last night, is how Finn continually gets a fucking pass for everything he does and doesn't do that he should and all the blame is thrown on Rachel and Quinn, by the show and by each other.

Quinn trusts Finn, but not Rachel? WTAF. Finn is perfectly capable of saying no to Rachel. Any success Rachel has in "winning him away" is on Finn. Rachel is certainly being manipulative here, but at the end of the day, it is Finn who is in the relationship with Quinn.

That said, Rachel, my darling, STOP IT. LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES. You are better than this. Why won't you remember that? :(

3) This episode pretty much brought to a head the issues I have with Brittany as a character. I have to admit from the start that everything I see is filtered through my Santana-loving glasses, so I'm not going to claim any objectivity here. But, as much as I sympathized for Brittany last night (and I did- when Artie called her stupid and when Santana bailed on her/talked about her and Karofsky in front of her, it fucking broke my heart), I'm actually a little frustrated with the way she is approaching Santana.

I wholeheartedly agree that Brittany is perfectly justified in not wanting to hide her relationship with Santana if they are going to have one. But the fact that we are so constantly bombarded with how out of touch with reality she is makes me wonder what if any thought she has actually put into these expectations and the objections to coming out that Santana has repeatedly voiced to her. We don't actually see the two of them discussing it- we see Santana opening herself up emotionally and Brittany accepting her on the condition that they come out together. Neither of them are wrong, but I feel like we have lots of reasons to understand where Santana is coming from, but very few for Brittany to take such a hard stance.

If it is just that Brittany has a naive, childlike view of the world and thinks everything will be okay as long as they are together, well, that's really sweet and I wish the world worked that way, but it doesn't. I would just like them to have an actual conversation, that shows that Brittany understands the consequences, but doesn't care about them. At this point, I just don't see that in her and making Santana look like the bad guy for being scared is frustrating. (She is the "bad guy" for other reasons- i.e., taking advantage of Brittany's naivety- but those don't seem to particularly matter to Brittany.)

4) Artie: I really thought this arc would make me sympathetic with him. Apparently not. So, yes, he is very certainly the wronged party and I understand his frustration with Brittany for not questioning Santana's motives. And I even understand why he said what he did- it was awful, given how he has been so surprisingly sensitive and accepting of her childlike outlook in the past- but understandable.

What rubbed me the wrong way was his reasoning. His whole speech about being the only person to provide Brittany with things reeked of the same creepy, paternalistic overtones that have bothered me about the pairing ever since the magic comb incident. Be pissed that she cheated. Be pissed that she refused to question Santana's motives. But why is it necessary to drape all that in this narrative of providing for Brittany? It was problematic on it's own and 1000x worse in light of Artie's history of blatant sexism. IDK if this is intentional on the writer's part or not, but it's fucking creepy.

5) Sue: this is more indifference than dislike. I appreciate that they seem to be ramping up the crazy intentionally and showing her as a little unhinged, but IDK, I'm bored with it. She lacks all motivation now and is just being a villain for the sake of being a villain. Maybe this is build up to "Funeral" where she will have a change of heart or something, IDEK. I'm just.... bored with it. (Even though she had some good lines.)

That said, I loved the Muckraker conceit. It is sort of annoying how all the kids believed every rumor without any proof (especially Mercedes believing the Kurt was cheating- that was irritating- why did they give HER OF ALL PEOPLE that line), but it was plot necessary, so I'm willing to accept it in order to get them to the love fest that was "Don't Stop."

NOW, on to the good stuff. Changdar report (kind of happy he stayed out of the fray this time).



7) Get it, Tina. You go and talk about your boy's dick on Brittany's webcast. I'm sure he doesn't mind. LOLOLOLOL.

8) Mike just wants everybody to get along:

9) Mike and Tina being adorable:

10) Air guitar during "Go Your Own Way."

11) Everything about "Don't Stop." The suspenders. His happy feet. Lifting up Sam. Too much cute.

And, the rest that I liked:

12) Songbird: SMASH MY HEART IN A THOUSAND PIECES, WHY DON'T YOU? ;_______________:

13) Little Sammy Evans: As I'm sure I've mentioned a thousand times, I've been on the fence about Sam. Apparently, all I needed was to see him with two adorable little clones to fall firmly into his camp. I'm genuinely surprised how sensitively they handled his family's situation (although I wonder if it will ever be mentioned again after this). His speech about losing his house was more thoughtful and poignant than I thought the Glee writers capable of.

The plot twist was obvious, but no less moving for it. I loved how happy he was during "Don't Stop" and I'm hoping that the popularity hunger that made me wary of the character before was actually more a yearning for acceptance, which he is totally getting from Glee Club now.

14) Kurt Mother Fucking Hummel: Boy is perfection. Look at how he has grown up. <3 LOL at his clothes fitting Sam, tho.

15) Terri Schuester: As bland as I found the storyline, Jessalyn shines. I can't not love her.

16) Don't Stop: That whole number deserves mentioning again because it was so wonderful to see them all happy and together. I hate the cover of the song, but the performance was adorable enough to make me forget that. I will watch it over and over forever.

17) As much as I hate portmanteaus, I find it fucking hilarious to think that these idiots sit around coming up with them. IDK. I loved that Lima Bean scene, not least of which just seeing them all hanging out together. I also love how they are such Kurt/Blaine shippers. All of them.

18) Fondue for Two: Lord Tubbington FTW (although, seriously, that girl should not be a pet owner).

19) Quinn and Sam: For all her bad behavior re: Finn and Rachel, Quinn gets a gold star along with Kurt for being an awesome friend to Sam. Why did RM get bored with them again? They are fucking adorable. :(

20) The F/Q/R fail was ALMOST worth it for the epicness that was "I Don't Want to Know." The fucking sarcasm and disdain the two of them have during that number will make me lol forever. Also, I want ALL THE HATESEX IN THE WORLD. It is actually the closest I've come to legit shipping them.

I'm sure there is more I liked and disliked, but I'm gonna move on to the promo:

21) KILT KILT KILT KILT. Kurt having a fashion show for Finn and Blaine! LOLOLOL. I love these idiots so much.

22) Kurt and Blaine happy bopping together at Prom!

23) Blaine/Tina/Brittany FTW!

24) Kurt's face, tho. ;______________;

25) THAT FUCKING SLAP >:( No, Glee. Fucking stop it. Not cool.


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25) Just. No.

Seriously. I can't.

I've been on the fence with Quinn the entire series. Sometimes I identify her, sometimes I want to hug her, sometimes I want to bury her under my house.

But the slap.


Okay, trying to be more coherent now.

1) this is just more fodder for my theory that Will has some degree of Autism Spectrum disorder. Well, either that, or he's sociopath.

2) When I saw the leaked clip for "Go Your Own Way" I was totally on Quinn's side. I identified with her, because there's a girl who's constantly trying to steal my fiance by doing things like sitting on his lap without asking and having wardrobe malfunctions around him, it's seriously not cool. So, I totally got where Quinn was coming from. However, after watching this episode I am convinced that Quinn, Finn and Rachel are three people who should not be allowed to dat, at all, until they learn to grow the fuck up. Seriously. The love triangle was funny and interesting at first, now it's just pathetic and annoying. I can accept that neither Quinn nor Finn know how to be in a healthy, functional relationship because they've never seen one in their lives before (Well, Finn now has Burt/Carole to watch, but that's still pretty new for him). And I can accept that Rachel is too spoiled and selfish to be a considerate partner but, seriously, all three of them need to be single, probably for the rest of high school. Relationships are fucking up their lives. There is NOTHING wrong with being single, especially when you're young, and it pisses me off that this show seems to project the image of "if you're not dating you can't be happy, but if you are dating you'll be miserable too, because all girls are crazy." I'm sorry I can't be more coherent about that.

3) Coming out is scary, so I understand Santana's fear. Brittany sees the world through rose-colored glasses so I understand her pain.

4) I am still absolutely convinced that Artie's sexism comes from a need to feel strong/manly/normal but I can't make excuses for it anymore. Because Brittany is damn well capable of providing for herself, and the thing about being in a relationship is that it's supposed to be an equal partnership. Artie has never understood that, but I hope he gets the message soon.
I understand the "stupid" thing in context, but he might have been able to explain his point to Brittany if he had said gullible or naive instead of the word he knows hurts her the most.

21) I keep watching this clip over and over again and Blaine doesn't look happy at Kurt's kilt. Why?????

I agree 100% about Finn, Quinn, and Rachel all being single for a while. Particularly Quinn and Rachel.

As for the gif, I keep reminding myself that we were convinced from "the shove" that Kurt was rolling his eyes at Blaine. It is such a short moment that we have no idea what Blaine is reacting to in context.

That said, if there is some static from Blaine about the kilt, it could be interesting. It doesn't make Blaine a bad person, though I shudder to think about the pitchforks that will be drawn out by the most zealous of the Kurtsies if that does happen.

Oh no, I adore Blaine. I see him as being from a very traditional family, though, and the idea of his boyfriend wearing a skirt might make him a little uncomfortable. Some of the Finn/Kurt shippers are saying that Blaine's "jealous" of Finn because Finn is so enthusiastic over Kurt's outfit. Whatevs. I love Klaine and I'm gonna ship it until they break up amicably in canon.

I came into this post sincerely hoping that you would have a gif of #6 and you did not disappoint. ♥___♥

The first thing I did after the episode last night was beg for it on Tumblr. And Shauna, who is my hero forever, made it for me. <3

He's clearly telling Kurt that he talked to Tina and that she gave him the ok for the Kurt/Blaine/Mike threesome (as long as she's allowed to watch).

This is truth canon fact.

Obviously. There is nothing else they could possibly be taking about at that moment.

...aaaaand now I'm writing it. FML.


There was just so much wrong with Artie's speech that I don't know where to start, really. And none of it was the obvious. And none of it seemed out-of-character enough to make me think it was just poor choices on the writer's part. And all of it made me cringe.

Jessalyn really was great. I did kind of like that Sue was acknowledging that she's becoming increasingly unhinged, yet couldn't seem to stop herself. My guess is that the episode after prom is her breaking point.

So proud of our Kurt. He's all mature and stuff and stuff. Look how helpful and kind and non-gossipy!

And Lord Tubbington may be the best new character of the season.

IKR? I'm so confused by what they are trying to do with Artie. Because they aren't condemning him in any way, but the fact that so much of what he says and does is problematic feels like it can't be coincidence. IDK. I'm hoping it is going somewhere because I can't have any interest or sympathy for the character until they address it.

I agree about Sue. It feels off now, but I get the sense that it has been building toward something with her.

And, yes, I love Lord Tubbington, the chain smoking fat cat who reads diaries.

I just figured out Lord Tubbington. See, he's like Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Brittany is a witch, and his handler, so she has to make sure he doesn't continue being naughty, or he'll never get to be human again!

Heh, I saw that moment with Mike whispering in Kurt's ear, and instantly thought of you :D

I really liked most of this episode. So over the Finn/Quinn/Rachel stuff, they all turn into the worse versions of themselves whenever this comes up. That said, the duet they performed was A+ for expressions :D

And Will, WTF. Are the writers just blind or is it just meant to be a running inside joke for them that Will is such a horrible teacher while other people keep telling him how good he is? I felt one moment of sympathy for him, having to make the choice between helping them go to nationals and following his own dream, but he was so awful otherwise, both with the kids and with Emma, I just couldn't care.

Gold stars for Kurt and for Quinn helping out Sam. Sam's just not interesting enough to me for any prolonged focus on him, but I thought this one was done well and I hope they keep the sweet personality that he mostly shows. Kurt's conversation with Rachel and the face he made at the end was one of the more hilarious parts of the episode. The most hilarious part was obviously Lord Tubbington. Also, you go Tina!

I was feeling sorry for Artie because I could see his insecurities coming out, i.e. someone as hot as Brittany showing interest in him given his wheelchair, plus her cheating on him, but all of his crap has gone unaddressed pretty much, so it's hard for me to drum up too much sympathy. Santana and Brittany's scenes continue to tug at my heart strings. I kind of get both of their PsOV, for Brittany it's a non-issue, all that matters is that Santana and her love each other and that Santana is awesome so where's the problem? I think it's not so much her not understanding the consequences, it's that she herself doesn't think they're a big deal and so can't understand how or why it's such a big deal to Santana. And Santana, as much as I hate the things she says sometimes, the writers and Naya have managed to make her heartfelt moments really sympathetic. My ehart was breaking for Brittany when JBI was interviewing Santana, but I just felt so bad for her too because it was so clear that she was just doing it because she was scared.

I am SO EXCITED for next week. I hope it's at least close to as good as it seems it might be because I really don't wnat to be disappointed given how long I've been waiting for it. I was a little amused at people trying to dissect Blaine's expression in that fleeting moment, it was clearly just him turning around to look at Finn, I don't think there's anything more to read into there. Kuuurt!!!! The kilt looks amazing, and given what I know from spoilers, I really hope that whole thing's handled well. Also, as much as I didn't care for the slap, I do hope that all the little bits of Quinn's characterization we've been getting do come together here the way I feel it was set up.

Your recaps make my day. Really really. And I totally want to respond to each and every thing you wrote. But since I also totally want to graduate (LAST WEEK OF CLASS FTW), I'm just going to poke my head up from the books long enough to say:


Heh. I was trying to see if I could get through TYPING that sentence without (1. snorting derisively or (2. rolling my eyes so hard they hurt. No on each count. Sigh.

2. How can I like individual characters, yet dislike this triangle so much?

6. That first gif is gold. Their faces! :D Also: I am a total sucker for Gleek friendships.

13. Whenever Sam's been in full Dork Mode, I've loved him. Turns out, I love Sam as Wounded Older Sibling as well. Awww. Tis a shame we will NEVER HEAR OF HIS FAMILY AGAIN.

16. "Pisces" was epic. Puck/Kurt was my first venture into Glee fandom pairings, but I'll be damned if Puck/Lauren isn't a million types of win.

21. Kilt indeed. And Finn's comment made me happy-face all over the place. Not only am I a total lover of Gleek-friendship, I'm also something of a Finn-Kurt-brotherly-bonding whore.

Finally, Lord Tubbington made me laugh ridiculously hard. Go figure.

1) Personal head canon now is that Will Schuester thinks with his dick, that would explain why only his love interests get through to hi (and Beiste, after he felt bad for...making her feel bad...several times)

2) Mostly since he doesn't want to be with Rachel for the same things that he broke up with Quinn in the first place! Frankly, I don't even care WHO he ends up with, now (though Quinn/Sam was very cute, why'd RM have to get bored with them, again?)

5) I...feel like they've turned Sue more into a source of conflict than a character; why does she want to bring down the Glee club, again? And seriously, no one ever reasons "The newspaper's been spreading lies since day one and is being controlled by Sue Sylvester, why are we believen a word it says?"

6) Still ship 'em

13) And ladies and gentlemen, Chord Overstreet can act! This is the Sam I liked back in Duets; please can I have some more?

15) Hated her as Will's wife, love her as his ex, she has that special kind of crazy that Sue seems to have lost.

18) Please, please, please turn this into a regular webcast *loves*

19) lol, my thoughts exactly.

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